Thursday, March 22, 2012

The Fog

I promised myself when I was pregnant that I wouldn't just let the newborn phase just slide on by this time around.  I would document, blog, photograph the heck out of it so that I could remember all the little details that my sleep-fogged brain would so eaily forget.  And yet here I am 5 weeks later and the most I've been able to muster is a few photos on Facebook and a single post here.

It's hard to come up with a coherent, writable thought when I spend the day nursing to the never-ending soundtrack of Barney and Yo-Gabba Gabba episodes.  I find it far easier to contribute to the mindlessness by spending my online time on Pinterest and such exciting tasks as cleaning out my email. 

I don't thing the brain foginess is avoidable.  I think it's nature's way of ensuring we have more children.  Why would I have any more if I remembered every single hormonally influenced moment of the first few weeks?  How much it hurts to just sit down in the first week, how overwhelmed I felt when I remembered how hard nursing a very very newborn can be, how frustrated I was when the baby started that first crying jag and I realized all the tricks that worked withMichaela and Rafael didn't work with Gabrielle!  Already those awful moments are slipping into oblivion.  The only memories that seem to really stick for longer than a few weeks are the sweetest ones.  The half-formed sleep smiles, the tiny fingers curled around my own, the gentle feeling of her nursing as I fall asleep, her big beautiful eyes staring into mine for the first time.

Who needs blog posts when you have memories like those?


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