So yesterday was crap. I had to vent, and I'm really glad I did. It kept getting worse after I wrote my post yesterday and culminated in Michaela throwing a tantrum at the door of the fridge yelling "snack" over and over again while I was trying to nurse Rafael. I finally finished, put him down (he promptly started screaming) and went to get her a snack from the fridge, when a box full of things that I had been trying to keep out of her by putting on top of the fridge fell down on my head. I couldn't help it, I just sat down and started crying.
Something amazing happened. My little girl stopped throwing her tantrum and came over to me, giving me a huge hug and saying "mommy crying?" Then she (no joke!) rocked me back and forth and patted my back. When I finished I told her I was sorry for crying in front of her and she wiped my nose.
I wish I could say she was perfect for the rest of the night, but she's a two year old, of course she wasn't. I did realize in that moment what I was so upset about. I've been missing my mom so much lately. I just want to call her and tell her what a crappy time I'm having and I know she would say exactly what I need to hear to make me feel better. She used to give these awkwardly long hugs where you would be thinking "ok mom, let go!" but right now I want one of those hugs more than anything. Last night my daughter channeled her. She gave me the love and comfort I've been missing.
I learned last night that it's ok to cry. And that sometimes the mother/daughter roles are reversed and that's good for both of you. Michaela showed me how big her heart is and I couldn't be prouder.