Thursday, March 11, 2010

Why It's Worth It...

So yesterday was crap. I had to vent, and I'm really glad I did. It kept getting worse after I wrote my post yesterday and culminated in Michaela throwing a tantrum at the door of the fridge yelling "snack" over and over again while I was trying to nurse Rafael. I finally finished, put him down (he promptly started screaming) and went to get her a snack from the fridge, when a box full of things that I had been trying to keep out of her by putting on top of the fridge fell down on my head. I couldn't help it, I just sat down and started crying.

Something amazing happened. My little girl stopped throwing her tantrum and came over to me, giving me a huge hug and saying "mommy crying?" Then she (no joke!) rocked me back and forth and patted my back. When I finished I told her I was sorry for crying in front of her and she wiped my nose.

I wish I could say she was perfect for the rest of the night, but she's a two year old, of course she wasn't. I did realize in that moment what I was so upset about. I've been missing my mom so much lately. I just want to call her and tell her what a crappy time I'm having and I know she would say exactly what I need to hear to make me feel better. She used to give these awkwardly long hugs where you would be thinking "ok mom, let go!" but right now I want one of those hugs more than anything. Last night my daughter channeled her. She gave me the love and comfort I've been missing.

I learned last night that it's ok to cry. And that sometimes the mother/daughter roles are reversed and that's good for both of you. Michaela showed me how big her heart is and I couldn't be prouder.


Kristin J said...

I think it is healthy to cry in front of your kids. They learn that you, too, are human and not without fault. You are a great Mom and you are doing a tremendous job. I mean it.

I'm glad that Michaela is mimicking and learning your kindness and gentleness. It is a great gift to pass on to her.

Anonymous said...

wow that just made me cry! how sweet is that of michaela and like kristin said, that just proves she is learning such nurturing behaviors from you. but i do have to agree, it was your mom giving you a hug :) she will always be with you forever, in some shape or form.

You are doing GREAT because a GREAT mom worries if she is doing everything right. and a GREAT mom has melt downs.. and it make you a GREAT mom because you CARE. If you never complained or worried then that would me you didnt care and thats when it would be scary!! or you were on some great zanic lol hang in there because no matter what happens at the end of the day in your childrens eys you are GREAT:)